


Unspoken

by igi_pigi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:26:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igi_pigi/pseuds/igi_pigi
Summary: Post bringing his brother back to Asgard from Midgard, Thor is told by Heimdall that Jane Foster has decided to stop looking for him.[Set after Avengers1.]





	1. Chapter 1

The stars above the Realm Eternal shine bright as the all-seeing guardian Heimdall stands at the end of the ruined Bifrost Bridge. It is in resurrection, but is expected to take time in recovery.

Asgard itself isn't in the best of spirits either. The Allfather lies in his bedchambers recuperating from the heavy toll the dark magic extracted when he used it to send Thor to Midgard to stop Loki. Thor confined Loki to the dungeons first thing upon bringing him back - for until Odin wakes - as only Allfather should be the one deciding his fate, he'd said.

With all realms facing unrest, he then began his excruciating journey to bring them peace, one at a time. He left for Nidavellir as soon as he returned from Midgard and did not happen to meet with Heimdall, as a result.

Heimdall knows how much Thor would have wanted to make time for it - to enquire after his mortal friend as he did without fail for the past year whenever he was in Asgard - but his responsibilities took precedence this time. And just this once, Heimdall is glad of it. It isn't that he doesn't enjoy Thor's lovestruck blushing during these peculiar sessions of theirs. It's that he has nothing but heartbreaking news for his Prince this time.

How will he tell him? Should he tell him? With everything else happening in Thor's life and family, does he need to know the person he is dying to see again - the only glimmer of hope he sees - has sworn off him?

"How fare the stars?"

He turns around in surprise at the cheerful salutation from the Crown Prince of Asgard.

Thor looks brilliantly exuberant for someone in dire need of rest, what with him returning from a battle mere hours ago. He can rest afterward, he keeps telling himself - this is more important. He wouldn't be able to rest anyway until he hears of Jane. It's not even a choice.

"You return earlier than expected." Heimdall disguises his surprise. He was told the Asgardian army will be returning no sooner than the next day. And he'd been relieved! He'd wish this fateful encounter as delayed as possible.

"Is that a complaint?" Thor teases. Heimdall laughs. "No, I did not mean it--"

"How is she?"

Thor doesn't even realise he cut him off in his childlike anticipation to hear about his Jane. It's been some time since he came here to ask of her. And he's been to her realm in between as well - though for reasons he'd never wished or thought of.

Heimdall stares at his expectant face. "She is well." He stutters. "Good. In _fine_ health."

He slowly faces away to curse himself. He should be smooth with this. Thor only nods in amusement at his uncharacteristic display. But when Heimdall doesn't meet his eyes, he realises something is indeed wrong.

"What?" He asks, then thinks for a moment. "Is she alright?" He raises his voice. "Heimdall--"

"Thor, she is fine." He speaks up. "It's that..."

"What?"

"She has changed her location."

Thor lets out a breath. "Oh, that. Son of Coul had told me that she had been taken to Norway to keep her safe from..." He trails off, avoiding mentioning his brother.

"No, it's not that." Heimdall shakes his head. After contemplating for a moment, he adds carefully. "She has moved from where she was residing - where you two met - to another city very far away in the other half of Midgard. Because she... she wishes to start anew."

While he feels a strange sense of relief getting through the bad news, Thor is quietly staring at him, eyes suddenly glistening.

"Wh-- with the work she does..." He whispers. What else could it be?

Heimdall closes his eyes. He cannot believe he is going to spell it for him. Is Thor really not understanding, or is it that he doesn't want to?

"You were there. And you returned without..." He abstains from saying the obvious. "It was tough on her. And now, she has decided to not wait for you anymore and move forward in her life."

Thor looks down, blinking hard. With everything happening on Midgard, he couldn't have just stopped by to see her. He couldn't have risked letting her location known when SHIELD did so much to keep it hidden. He'd hoped Jane would understand his reasoning. It seemed obvious, to him at least.

"But you know I couldn't have risked her safety." He cries out his logic as if fact. Heimdall nods. "Then I had to bring him back here. And Father's ailment... And Erik himself was recuperating, how could I tell him... I di-- Did I not want to--"

"Thor, I know this." Heimdall puts an end to his struggle for words. "She doesn't. To her, you were back on her realm after an agonising wait and went away without as much as a word for her. What else do you think she would do?"

Thor looks away, towards the infinite galaxies in front of them. Heimdall is correct, as always. Why does he expect Jane to know of his responsibilities, obligations, and burdens? Of course, for her, him being back would have meant an end to her waiting. And him returning like that would have been soul crushing indeed! Yet again, he brought her nothing but a world of hurt.

He can feel tears pricking his eyes. And he is aware of Heimdall's on him. He, however, gives his Prince space, knowing how disheartening all this must be for him. He wishes he could do more!

And Thor smiles - helpless at yet another mockery of fate. Here he is killing himself over separation from her. But there she thinks she means nothing to him. Truly poetic!

Heimdall lowers his head.

"What city?" Thor surprises him with the question, his voice shaking. "Hopefully, it's better populated than Antiguo."

Heimdall nods slowly. "Seems to be quite an engaging town." Then adds. "She is living in her mother's home."

"With her?"

"Alone."

Silence falls upon them once again, with Thor's ragged breaths the only sound. It pains Heimdall to see him like this. He had known from the beginning that this wasn't going to end well for Thor. He had become so dependant on this 'ritual' of theirs to keep himself going. But with him not returning to Midgard anytime in the foreseeable future, the mortal was bound to give up on him sooner or later. That he himself became the catalyst is really just a cruel play of fate. But it was still a slow poison he was drinking.

"Pardon my insolence, Your Highness," he clears his throat, "but isn't this what you wanted?"

Thor jolts out of his thoughts to look him in the eyes, miffed at first that he brought ranks in between, then at what he said. Only to realise that he has absolutely nothing to say in response...

His eyes are watering, but he doesn't let the tears fall. Heimdall clears his throat again. "This was to happen sometime..." He speaks solemnly. "Surely frees me of an onus."

"It's late." Thor speaks over him, authority back in his voice. "And I'm certainly very tired... I'll be seeing you tomorrow night, then." He gives a curt smile and turns to leave.

"What?" Heimdall says in shock. Is he really going to continue this? He can simply jump off this bridge if he is so determined to kill himself, surely will be less painful.

Seeing that Thor doesn't stop, he grabs his shoulder in desperation. "Thor, what are you doing? Do not do this to yourself!"

"Are you talking to your friend in this moment or the Crown Prince of Asgard?" He returns his own words, voice not raised, but so very hostile. "Because the Prince should be addressed as 'Your Highness'."

Heimdall swallows. "Thor... I--"

"I'll see you tomorrow." He nods and walks away, leaving his friend behind.

Tears are starting to escape his eyes, but he keeps on wiping them over and over again. He balls his fists and wills himself to not cry. What is he doing? Why is he crying? This is what he wanted, after all. Even though he didn't really realise it in full. Heimdall was right.

But how could he fancy for even a moment that Thor would stop wanting to know about her well being? This is what keeps him sane. And now is just how he would wish to hear of her. It won't be hurtful at all. His Jane has finally decided to stop hurting herself for his sake and move ahead in her life. Just like he wanted... It won't-- it won't hurt...

So what she will resent him for the rest of her life. He deserves it. And she probably already did so in this past year...

He scoffs - he gave her nothing but tears for an entire year, which is admittedly a long time in human lifetimes, and now he is guilty of bringing her to this! She will go on thinking she means nothing to him and despise him for the remainder of her life. He'll bring her even more tears. Maybe his are a fitting punishment.

He glances around the illuminated skyline of Asgard as he nears the bridge's end. And he thinks of how Jane would be so fascinated by it... All he wishes this instant is to _somehow_ be back on Midgard and tell her what she means to him. How much he misses her every moment, how much he loves her...

His hands ache to touch her, feel her soft skin, pull her into his arms again... Kiss her once more... Maybe take a few slaps for hurting her so much. But all he can really feel is stinging hollowness in his chest.

His feet stop on their own once he reaches the end of the bridge. He looks around like a lost child, where to now?

Breathing shallowly, he looks back. Heimdall's silhouette is visible - his head hangs low. Thor lowers his own. He was so hard on him! Though he knows his wise friend would be understanding of his situation, it still doesn't excuse his rudeness. He'll apologise to him upon meeting him next.

He looks ahead into the city lulled into the slumber of night. He could just wander the streets. Maybe sit by the lake. Or go up the hills.

Few people are going about their business. Some look his way, nodding or voicing their salutation. He faces away towards the palace, blinking hard, and raises his hand a little to acknowledge them.

He should just confine himself to his bedchambers and drink until he cannot see. It will bring him some peace, for some hours at least. And it would not bother with anyone else either. This seems right.

Thor takes uncertain steps towards the palace, looking around hazily. A woman, with her infant child sleeping in her arms, hesitantly asks if he is alright, and offers to help. Even with the state he is in, he tries to smile at her kindness and politely waves his hand for a 'no' before moving ahead.

It was a long walk back to the palace and he doesn't know how he finds himself standing in the hallway leading to his parents' bedchambers and not his own. He can blame his blurred vision for it, perhaps.

Thor slowly walks ahead, gesturing the guards to empty the hallway. When alone, he diligently pushes the door open - only by a fraction.

And there she is! His mother sits in a rocking chair close to the empty bed, looking ahead outside the wide and open balcony into the dazzling night sky. Father must be in the adjacent chamber for a more undisturbed rest.

Thor cannot see Frigga's face and despite the fact that she shows no movement at all - he knows she isn't sleeping. She is simply staring ahead into nothing, mourning her son.

She wasn't present when Thor brought Loki back. In fact, no one was. And if she didn't see him then, he doesn't think she went to the dungeons to see him either.

And he knows why. It's no different as to why Thor wants to see Jane resent him - it's their way of penancing themselves for wronging the ones they loved. Frigga is punishing herself by not seeing Loki until Odin wakes up. Thor really did take after her!

He simply stands at the door peering into the dim lit room and stares at her. And in that moment, he feels like he is a child again, watching his mother tend to his brother while he stands behind holding his own wound by himself.

His rational self reminds him of the perfectly fine mead sitting in his bedchambers. And it's probably the right thing to do. As per usual, do not bother Mother as she always, always has her hands filled with Loki. But another part of him tells him that if he didn't do something about the storm swirling inside him, he will explode.

Willingly, unwillingly, Thor pushes the door open and steps inside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By 'angst', I mean angst in this one. So, yeah.

Allmother Frigga sits in her chair staring outside the balcony, eyes dry, feeling nothing but numbness. This has come to be a routine for her now. If anything, she looks forward to it. Just some time on her own where she isn't the strong Queen fazed by nothing, but just a woman - a wife, a mother - mourning her family.

The emergence of gloomy clouds on the shining skyline of Asgard did catch her eye. But she never needed that to know her Thor isn't alright. If he wasn't standing at the door, contemplating whether to come in or not, she would have gone to him herself, wherever he may be.

She lets him make the decision, not moving even when he opens the door, quietly walks in, and drops to her feet to rest his head in her lap - like he used to do when he was a child. No words, no pleasantries, nothing - this relation is above that.

She instantly leans forward to caress his head, then his back and shoulders. He hugs her firm. She knows this action alone has made him feel better, but he does not know how much joy _he caused her_ with this act of his.

"I cannot recall the last time you did this..." She smiles fondly.

He doesn't respond, simply burying his face in her lap. As if he doesn't want her to see it. And as if she needs to see his face to know he is troubled.

For the past year, this time of the night has, without fail, been when Thor can only be found with Heimdall. Of course, enquiring after the human he befriended during his stay on Earth. It hurts to see that he is separated from her and how it burns him up. But deep down, it also pains Frigga that he has never spoken of her to anyone else - let alone his mother. Odin spoke to him of her once, she knows. But Thor himself has never once uttered a single word of her. If she didn't know otherwise, she would have thought the human doesn't exist altogether.

He is so in love with this woman, that he just has to hear of her every single day with no exceptions - and he never thought of telling his mother of her! And now, when he lies at her feet, defeated and helpless over his fateful yearning, even still he won't speak. Unbelievable!

"Just what will get you to speak of her..." Frigga whispers. "The woman who stole my son away from me."

Thor finally raises his head to look at her with playful disappointment. In the way that he did not expect such an age-old, predictable tease from her. She didn't either. But she had to say something to get his attention. Besides, not that it's relevant, maybe she did enjoy saying it.

"What?" She says innocently, adding without letting it show how pained she is to see his disheveled look. "I hold no resentment. I just wish to know about her."

He shrugs, avoiding meeting her eyes. "Don't you already?"

"From you." She also ignores how rough his voice sounds. He looks down.

"Do you want to hear your Mother beg?"

Thor looks back up, offended. Then slowly shakes his head with a hint of a smile at her stubbornness. Realising there is no escape, he shrugs again, then takes a breath.

"She is..." He starts, looking nowhere. "Kind..." He breathes. "Very kind, far too kind for her own good."

A smile breaks on his face. Frigga smiles as well.

"She shouldn't be this generous with strangers who could be conmen for all she knows." He looks at her for a moment. "But she is - selfless, giving, compassionate..."

He trails off, clearly reminiscing, but soon realises his mother's eyes on him.

"And, she is very intelligent!" He tries to get back on path, even tapping his finger on his temple in an effort to distract from his blushing. "An elite scholar in her realm from what I understand. There are not many of her intellectual prowess. Unsurprisingly so - her curiosity is the first thing you'd notice about her."

"Oh, I'm sure."

"It's all in her eyes." Thor doesn't even hear her. "Her beautiful, warm eyes. Her smile is just as beautiful... I mean, all of her is beautiful-- uhh that-- that came out wrong."

She laughs as he pinches the bridge of his nose, realising he may have descended to details he shouldn't be sharing with his mother!

"I feel like I already know her." She feels delighted hearing of this human. At how smitten he is with her and that someone had such an impact on him. She cannot wait to meet her.

"But none of this matters." He lowers his head in her lap again. "Father would never approve."

He says the words as not a whine, but fact - acceptance. It breaks her heart.

"Did he say it?" She narrows her eyes, feeling suddenly angry at Odin. "I'll see of it."

"She isn't like us. Her life is just a fraction--"

"But you love her."

Shouldn't that take precedence over everything else? Frigga shakes her head. Thor doesn't object further. She cannot comprehend how her son can be so in love with a person that he cannot let a day go by until he hears of her, but at the same time be so accepting that he will never get to be with her.

She does not know what Odin said to him when he had 'words with him about the mortal' but she thinks she knows now. The words Thor just said weren't his, they were Odin's. She caresses his head again, feeling helpless.

Perhaps his father will change his stance once he meets Jane. Once he sees how wonderful she is, and how happy she makes their son.

"When the Bifrost is resurrected," she says, "bring her here and--"

"Mother, please!" He looks up with a slight jerk, voice raised. "It's not like that."

Seeing her so flummoxed by his erratic response, he closes his eyes to calm himself before speaking again. Frigga stays quiet.

"She isn't waiting for me anymore." He confesses, speaking the words as if they are poison. Then looks her in the eyes. "And why should she? What have I given her other than tears and waiting in guise of a treacherous promise."

Thor closes his eyes again, sighing in defeat. These words were hard for him to get through, clearly. And he may be right. She does have a few questions regarding all this, but she tilts her head and only asks one.

"Then why are you upset?"

"I'm not upset." He blinks and faces away like an angry child denying something clearly evident. Then sighs again, tries to conjure words.

"She and I were never meant to..." He keeps blinking. "And I'd want nothing more for her to leave me behind and move ahead in her life."

He rests his head down again before continuing. Frigga runs her fingers through his hair.

"But... but I wish it happened some other way. Not with her resenting me. I want her to feel happiness," he pauses abruptly, realising 'happiness' may be too big a word to say here, "or at least amusement, when she thinks of me, not pain and hurt." He hugs her tighter.

She tries to string his incoherent words together. So he promised Jane to return for her and maybe bring her here. But couldn't, of course. And he's been to her realm in between as well - though for reasons he'd never wished or thought of.

"What with you being there..." She puts two and two together. "So now she thinks she isn't worth anything to you. That's certainly not true."

"I couldn't have gone to her with everything that was..." His voice starts shaking and he repeats the same excuses he gave Heimdall. "I couldn't have risked her safe... I fought to protect her from the dangers of my world-- I would never.." He sniffs and tries again, breathing ragged now. "You don't know how much she means.. You don't... Y..."

And he cannot hold himself anymore. Thor starts crying into Frigga's lap, holding onto her as if he'd fall if he didn't.

"Oh, Thor!" She leans in and hugs him close, tears escaping her eyes as well. Her child is in such pain and anguish and she cannot do anything at all for him.

She rubs his back and shoulders through his sobs. She can at least - at the very least - give him this, her lap to cry on. Let him empty his heart. Like he used to do when he got hurt as a child while playing and then got scolded by his father for being careless. Then, she would simply heal his wounds with her herbs, and tell him Odin means no ill. And her boy would cheer up again, giggling and kissing her like she was an angel who could make anything happen for him.

But today, her hands are empty.

His sobs are the only sound echoing the chambers. And each cry pierces her heart. Still, she patiently waits for him to stop on his own before saying anything at all. Slowly, he does, only whimpering now - though still hiding his face.

"The pain you feel now," Frigga starts cautiously, "she has felt this way every moment for the past year." Thor stills, and she continues. "I know it hurts that the last emotion she feels for you is hatred, but it's that hatred that has set her free."

He slowly looks up - face red, eyes swollen, cheeks tear-stained and hair a mess. She caresses his head gently. Clearly, he isn't in a state to be able to think straight, but she can tell her words did get through to him. She wipes his tears. "Maybe that's what fate willed, my child."

He looks away, the last of tears that were left in him escaping. Then back at her. "Why did it had to end like this?"

He looks up at her like she can make anything happen. And how desperately she wishes she could.

"In my heart, I feel it hasn't." She says honestly. "I feel like you two will find your way back to each other."

He looks down. Seeing that he has somewhat gotten ahold of himself, she adds. "You'll bring her here as the Oueen and dethrone me."

Thor laughs lightly. And his laughter fills her heart. "To that, I'd say," he sniffs, trying to find his voice, "you make far too light of Father's obstinance."

She chuckles as well, then covers the layer of her dress that was soaking with his tears with a dry one, silently beckoning him to rest his head there again. He does without thought, facing towards the adjacent chamber where his father is sleeping, or as close to sleep as he can get.

"How is he recovering?"

"Good." She tries to smile.

He waits for a moment, then says, "everything has fallen apart."

Frigga takes a shuddering breath. Indeed, everything has fallen apart. Odin in his chambers, Thor here, and Loki in the dungeons - all lie in pain. And she... They were the most loving of families not too long ago. How did this happen?

She would have rued over the unfortunate turn of events had she been alone like every night. But not with her child with her and in such need of her support, she cannot. She has to stay strong. For her family.

"It will take time," she taps his head gently, "but It is going to be fine, I know it."

Thor doesn't say anything, simply burying his face in the fabric. She cannot bring Odin or Loki any peace, but she can Thor. She never wishes to use magic to forge or manipulate something as sacred as the 'peace of mind', but she needs to today. Just a little bit, enough to make him fall asleep - nothing more. It won't be a violation. Simply easing out his anxiousness and the draining thoughts to allow him somnolence - which he already is in dire need of. This is just a lullaby, she tells herself.

She guiltily moves her fingers over his head, casting her spell. Then continues rubbing his head and back. When she notices his breathing getting even from shallow, she is about to tell him to get on the bed - but he jerks his head up on his own.

Eyes heavy, he looks at her suspiciously. "You did something..."

Frigga looks towards the empty bed behind her in an effort to avoid answering him. "Let's get you to bed, dear." She says hesitantly.

"Whatever it was," Thor speaks as if he's intoxicated, "I wish you'd do it yourself as well. You need sleep too."

She freezes, staring at him. He knows.

She wordlessly watches him slowly, tiredly get up the floor to go the bed in front of him. He takes off all his upper garments, discarding them behind with no care in his bid to get on the bed - leaving only his trousers and boots on. He drops on his stomach, hugging the pillows - leaving the other side empty for her.

Frigga watches all his actions silently from where she stands by her chair, reminiscing his childhood.

Thor turns his head back a little as if to look at her, but his eyes are well closed. "You're coming?" He points to the other side of the bed.

"Yes, my love." She finds her voice.

He nods and settles back in.

She moves forward to pick up his clothes from the floor to fold them and keeps them away. She then proceeds to take the boots off his feet. He barely reacts, falling asleep fast. She also wraps the blanket around him, even though she knows he'd just kick it away later. Lastly, she drags her chair closer to the headboard of the bed and sits beside him.

He is finally at peace - even if under the false pretense of her spell, and just for a few hours only. She pats his cheek gently. But he languidly holds on to her wrist and pulls it under to keep it between the pillow and his other cheek - her arm touching his bare shoulder. Alright, he's not letting his mother leave.

Frigga knows he will be up and off of here first thing in the morning. And she cannot sleep while Odin and Loki lie in pain. But for Thor, she has to be on the bed beside him sometime before he wakes up at least - so he can see his mother asleep as he'd wished.

She will get on the bed later. For now, she leans forward and kisses his head, then rests her own beside and touching his. She cannot say what is it about him, so serene and pure - her Thor, but she does feel a sense of calmness spreading over her from his touch alone. She smiles, feeling thankful, and daring to fancy the thought that she just might fall asleep tonight.

When Thor wakes up tomorrow morning, he'd be surprised to see her sleeping in this less comfortable stance. He'd have to pick her up and put her in bed for a better rest. And to avoid him that work, she should just get on the bed now. But she doesn't. She likes this - his cheek on her hand, their heads touching, him sleeping peacefully for once - _in her embrace_. It's been so long since he came to sleep with her. He did that far too often as a child, she remembers.

So she lets herself relish this. The peace he gives her.

She thinks one last time of Odin and Loki. She also thinks of the human - Jane. For some strange reason, she feels as though this human child is also her family now. She prays her son gets to meet her again, bring her here. But that is all she can do - pray. And with that thought, Frigga closes her eyes.


End file.
